This means we’ll explore what’s underneath the symptoms that are troubling you and make the unconscious elements of your challenges more conscious. For example, early in life, you may have developed a sense that it's not okay to feel certain emotions like anger or even happiness. You may have learned that it's not okay to rock the boat…you're responsible for caretaking other people in particular ways…your value comes from your performance…or you must choose between authenticity and connection. These inner prohibitions cut people off from parts of themselves and contribute to many of the reasons people seek therapy, yet they often operate without our full awareness. Since it's very difficult to change something you're not aware of, bringing these to light is a powerful step. By illuminating these harder-to-see aspects of your inner world, you can gain perspective and distance from unhelpful but deeply set ways of being, begin to get unstuck, and leave more of the past behind you. Attending to the impact of formative experiences in your family of origin is usually an important aspect of this approach.

This modality also emphasizes the therapeutic relationship that develops between the client and practitioner. If relationships contributed to the problems you’re experiencing, then relationships also have a part to play in healing. This includes not just family of origin and romantic relationships; it also extends to the therapeutic alliance emerging between us. Often, the feelings that arise in the therapy dyad reflect other key dynamics in your world, which gives us an opportunity to work on core issues experientially and in real time.

To learn more about why this approach yields lasting benefits, I recommend this article or this video.

Mindfulness means being radically present: witnessing and observing your experience just as it is, without judging, avoiding, or trying to fix or change it. In other words, rather than just describing or mentally processing a particular event, you’re actually sensing your experience of it directly. Mindfulness has been consistently shown to reduce stress, alleviate anxiety and depression, and improve well-being; it’s one of the most powerful tools psychology has for regulating emotions (changing how a person feels). I incorporate mindfulness in secular, accessible and down-to-earth ways that are suitable for individuals of any or no religious/spiritual background.

Mindfulness has many different applications in therapy:

• In order to shift an unwanted feeling, it’s sometimes necessary to feel it more intensely, until it transforms into something different. Taking a few moments to observe, accept and allow unwanted emotions is often the first step to feeling better.

• It can be difficult to change unwanted behaviors or reactions that feel automatic and happen quickly (for example, self-destructive behaviors or having the same type of argument with your partner over and over). Mindfulness allows you to slow down and notice your internal process with more subtlety; it helps you discover opportunities to interrupt your usual reactions and make different choices.

• We tend to get stuck in certain ways of being, often repeating the same thoughts, assumptions and reactions over and over. Present-moment awareness helps people break out of ruts to discover new perspectives and strengths.

• Depression often keeps us trapped in the past, and anxiety usually concerns what’s going to happen in the future. Strengthened awareness of the present moment can be a helpful counterbalance.

• One component of mindfulness is Mindful Self-Compassion, which is the ability to treat yourself with the same kindness you’d show to a good friend. This has been shown to help people bounce back more quickly from difficulties and lead to a more positive and stable self-image. It also helps people refrain from the self-criticism that makes tough times harder than they need to be.
  

Mindfulness can show up in the room in several different ways:

• At times I guide specific practices such as RAIN and Mindful Self-Compassion, which are helpful for regulating emotions, working with shame, and in other situations.

• I may facilitate a few moments of mindful centering as a way to help you transition into or out of session feeling grounded and calm.

• In certain situations, I may facilitate inner explorations in mindfulness involving the use of dialogue and guided imagery.

• Throughout therapy, my questions, responses and way of listening are guided by my own mindful awareness, and I often invite clients to observe their present-moment experience as well. At certain points in session, I might invite you to pause to simply notice your emotions and physical sensations in the present moment.

Our minds are complicated and contain many different internal ‘parts.’ If you’ve ever criticized yourself excessively, overreacted to a situation without understanding why, or had strong negative feelings about someone that you recognized were unreasonable, you’ve experienced this quality of the mind.

Parts work and Internal Family Systems (IFS) involve mindfulness, inner inquiry and active imagination in order to work with these different parts of you. Long-held emotions can be released, deep-set internal patterns can be brought to light, and surprising and valuable self-knowledge is often gained through the process. IFS is an experiential and evidence-based trauma therapy in which we work directly with the roots of many challenges. For example, this may include working with your inner child, inner critic, an addictive behavior, or a persistent unwanted emotion. I really enjoy parts work because of the catharsis, self-discovery and meaningful shifts that can occur.

I work most often with the trauma arising from emotional abuse and neglect in childhood, as well as emotional abuse in adult relationships. In other words, I primarily work with what’s known as complex relational, attachment, or developmental trauma. I often hear people say things like “but my parents didn’t hit me, so it wasn’t that bad.” However, trauma doesn’t just come from things like violence and physical abuse. It is also caused by the following experiences in childhood, to give a few examples:

• Feeling as though acceptance, love and belonging are contingent on your successes and accomplishments;

• Having a parent who involved you excessively in their own emotional life or counted on you for their emotional support;

• Having caregivers who are volatile, unpredictable, distant, have untreated mental illness, addictions, and/or their own unprocessed trauma;

• Growing up in a family that showed love by putting food on the table and a roof over your head, but didn’t provide much emotional nurturing;

• A parent being absent from your childhood for any reason;

• Having caregivers who threatened to abandon you, even jokingly;

• Being gaslit, name-called or belittled in your family;

• Having your emotions ignored, mocked, invalidated or dismissed, or being shamed or criticized for them.

In response to experiences like these, it’s human nature to over-develop certain ways of being, while other parts of ourselves may get cut off or neglected. Beliefs and behaviors that served as essential protection in one setting often end up causing problems down the line, perhaps showing up as addictions, depression, anxiety, perfectionism, unworthiness or unhealthy relationship patterns.

Yet we retain remarkable neuroplasticity throughout life and have the ability to shift even deeply-seated patterns. As a trauma-informed therapist, I pay close attention to pacing, resourcing, and supporting your nervous system to create a felt sense of safety while we contact and reprocess the imprints of trauma, and I emphasize your strengths and resiliency.

You may have heard about attachment theory, which describes the primary patterns with which people approach their close relationships. Attachment begins in infancy and childhood and is also influenced by adult experiences, and the needs for connection, closeness and safety are present throughout the lifespan. Secure attachment in adults involves:

• Being able to bond and become close to a significant other(s);

• Being comfortable both on your own and when connecting with others;

• Being able to transition into and out of close emotional connection without much difficulty;

• Being able to share openly and vulnerably with your partner, and remaining emotionally intimate over time;

• Being able to establish and maintain healthy and reciprocal long-term relationships;

• Not being overly anxious about your partner leaving you, whether they really love you, etc;

• Effectively and appropriately communicating your feelings and needs;

• Recognizing and not tolerating toxic relationship dynamics.

Difficulties in these areas are obviously at the heart of many relationship problems. As an attachment-focused therapist, I pay particular attention to your attachment history and current behaviors, and I work with you to address these difficulties. It’s possible to develop what’s known as “earned secure attachment,” even with a history of wounding.